Lidl

Or Aldi, depending if you were born before the meteor wiped out the dinosaurs or not.

To those who are not aware, and a reminder to everyone who couldn't care less, yesterday was my birthday. Being a sucker for chicken while hungry, I was dragged through no less than four supermarkets, so to call one of them more unbearable than the rest takes some credit. Enter Lidl.

Lidl's philosophy is "cut everything for minimum prices". There's no visible downside to this. Everything is dirt-cheap, meaning that your average Joe university student will be shopping there occasionally. So why do I complain about it?

Firstly, half the products will give you food poisoning of some kind. Go on, try it. Conduct research - invite your best friend/glovemaker to a party, present him/her/Michael Jackson to a bunch of Lidl food and try to duck the projectile vomit.

Perhaps I'm being a bit harsh. Then again, on reaching the checkout it became apparent that the store didn't contain a single carrier bag of any description. Which raises the question - how are you supposed to carry every tin, bottle and electromagnet purchased within the store the distance to the car outside?

Clearly this is part of some global conspiracy. By making people carry things (or dare I say it, bring their own carrier bags), Lidl are classified as slaveworkers. Anyone with this classification is a stone's throw away from "Supreme Overlord".

However, luckily for all you people, Lidl will never attain the position of Supreme Overlord. I called dibs.


Wish me a happy belated birthday and hurl abuse at me for not telling anyone: rai-thunder@h0tmail.co.uk