Guess the Password.: Inky

Today, I'm going to rant about someone who's been alive for twenty seven years. Well, dead for twenty seven years. Dead but present for twenty seven years. He is the most sinister, evil and twisted thing to grace the Pac-Man scene since...well, anything. I am referring to that which makes the children cry:

For those that have been living in a cave their entire lives (here's looking at you, Osama), Inky is a ghost in the video game "Pac-Man", one of four. Noticeably, he is the only one that really shows any form of competence. The other three ghosts are comprised of a speed freak who has very little control over his direction:

A ghost who obviously stars in the 80s video game pornographic scene:

...and the biggest idiot since Jack Thompson decided to remove his own brain and put it in a robot made entirely out of toilet paper (not pictured):

Even if the Bonnie and Clyde reference is cool. Go watch that sometime. Speaking of movies, if they make another Land Before Time film (which I think would be the...thirteen? Holy crap, it's fourteen! Thanks, Wikipedia!), I will personally drop whatever I am doing and steal the kidneys of everyone involved. But anyway...

Of the four ghosts, Inky is the one who kills me about 80% of the time. He usually works alone - the only way the others ever kill me (or most players) is by teaming up and trapping me. Inky doesn't need to do that - he's such a sneaky little bastard that he manages to outwit the rest of his team and go in for the kill all the time. He's not even meant to BE the annoying one - Blinky (the red one) actually speeds up the more Pac-Man eats, but he still manages to be less annoying than Inky. Also, a word of advice for all those that play the evil game. Avoid the cherries. Not just because they're worth about the equivalent of ten pills (which takes all of three seconds to get anyway), but because Inky guards them like a hawk, and going for them is the equivalent of:

Basically, if you go for them, he will kill you and do horrible things to you. Just like cyanide. In a way, it's a lucky thing that the creators of Pac-Man are all either really old now or dead, because they would have hundreds of appointments with the wrong end of a spork.

In a game where scoring points is key, personal vendettas are not advised. Yet whenever I get a power pill and become able to eat ghosts, I personally like to track down the little blue bastard (well, even though they all turn blue...) and put him in a world of hurt. Eating. Whatever. Insert random Matrix joke here.

The horrible realisation that Inky is actually immortal often hits like a ton of bricks falling from an aeroplane through a window factory onto a bed of trampolines, into a dynamite factory surrounded by several antique stores, while a red Indian stands on the cliff above and weeps for his lost land (that was the longest and most needlessly complicated metaphor I've ever written). Because if you kill any of the ghosts, they just come back to life again after a few seconds. Which sucks. Little blue bastard.