Alarm Clocks

Like a lot of people, I do not remember the day I was born. However, I think it went something like this:

As you can probably tell, there's me. Don't question the logic of having a stick person inside a womb. Inside the womb, there is safety. Outside is the least comfortable place for a person in the womb to be, as the world is clearly an evil and horrible place. After getting used to being inside...

Some horrible bastard with a pair of rubber gloves that he's not wearing and a license to pull drags you out, rips the cord and makes you live the rest of your life, starting with many years of no dignity, soiling yourself and drinking things you'd never drink again.



My dad is still known to occasionally yell this. I find it messed up and hilarious. Now that I'm rambling and you just checked the title of today's post to see what the hell I'm bitching about, you'll have no idea what this has to do with alarm clocks.

It has EVERYTHING to do with alarm clocks. It's the same principle. Alarms clocks are the personification of the doctor who dragged you from your haven when you were born. They wake you up in the morning with a noise that sounds like Satan's cat being strangled in a bag underwater full of S Club 7 CDs, force you to physically act (which I oppose doing in the morning) in order to shut them up, and to top things off, they do it the next day as well. So, let's take a look at the bastard.



This is just one example. My example. Note the two volumes: elephant and hurricane, so that you either wake up the entire town, or just the street that you live in. The on/off switch, the riskiest decision ever made. Finally, the giant button on top that claims to be able to engage itself in active conversation, but rather tells you the time. MY UNCLE DID NOT BUY ME SOMEONE WHO SAYS THEY CAN TALK, HE BOUGHT ME AN ALARM CLOCK!!! Not annotated, but shown above anyway, is the hard metal casing that could survive a beating with a brick. No really, it could.

Finally, another thing which should be cast into hell are things which sound like alarm clocks, but aren't. Only one example comes to mind, and that is an enemy from Sonic CD, of which I do not know the name. It is a bug with a circular saw on his back, which beeps in the same way that my alarm clock does, and actually made me physically turn to check that the alarm clock was off, causing Sonic to fall to his watery grave. Argh. If Mario can swim, why can't he? I was unable to find a picture of said enemy, so here is a diagram.

Thing is, the platforms are too small to roll on, so the unlucky bastard cannot be killed and is forced to live a life of misery and beeping. Sucks to be him.